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Thread: Laughter is the best medicine

  1. #1
    Loony Master
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    Talking Laughter is the best medicine

    Joke joke joke

    TINDERA: “Sir, bili na kayo ng kurtina”!
    ERAP : “Sige, bibili ako para sa computer ko. ”
    TINDERA: “Bakit po sa computer?”
    ERAP : “May “Windows” kasi ang computer ko eh”

  2. #2
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    Talking Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine

    English

    A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...

    Looking for man with these qualifications:
    - won't beat me up
    - won't run away from
    - is great in bed.

    She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.
    The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."
    So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"
    Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

  3. #3
    Loony Master
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    Talking Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine

    DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MAYAMAN AND MAHIRAP
    • Kung mayaman ka, meron kang "allergy"; Kung mahirap ka,ang tawag dyan ay "galis" o "bakokang".
    • Sa mayaman, "nervous breakdown" dahil sa "tension and stress". Sa mahirap, "sira ang ulo";
    • Sa mayamang "malikot ang kamay" ang tawag ay "kleptomaniac"; Sa mahirap, ang tawag ay "magnanakaw" o "kawatan"
    • Pag mayaman ka, you're "eccentric"; Kung mahirap ka, "may toyo ka sa ulo" o "may topak" o "may sayad".
    • Kung mayaman ka at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay may "migraine". Kung mahirap ka naman at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay "nalipasan ng gutom";
    • Kung mayaman ka, you are referred to as someone who is "scoliotic". Pero kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "kuba";
    • Kung ang senorita mo ay maitim, ang tawag ay "morena" o "kayumanggi". Pero kung isa kang domestic na maitim, ikaw ay "ita" o "negrita" o "baluga";
    • Kung nasa high society ka, you are called "slender" o balingkinitan"; Kung mahirap ka lang, you are plainly called "payatot" o "patpatin" o"ting-ting".
    • Kung nasa high society ka pa rin at ikaw ay maliit, ang tawag sa iyo ay"petite"; Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "pandak" o "bansot" o "unano" o "jabbar".
    • Kung socialite ka, ikaw ay "pleasingly plump"; Kapag mahirap ka at ika'y "mataba", "tabatsoy" o "lumba-lumba", pag minamalas ka, "baboy".
    • Kung well-off ka, at date ka rito, date ka roon, ang tawag sa iyo ay "game"; Kung mahirap ka ikaw ay "pakawala".
    • Kung mayamang alembong ka ang tawag sa iyo ay "liberated"; Pero kung isa kang dukha ang tawag sa iyo "malandi".
    • Kung may pera ka ang tawag sa iyo "single parent"; Pero kung wala kang trabaho ang tawag sa iyo "disgrasyada".
    • Health conscious ang tawag sa mayayamang puro gulay ang kinakain; Habang kakaawa ang mahirap na kumakain ng ganito.
    • Sa exclusive school, "assertive" ang mga batang sumasagot sa mga guro. Pero pag ang mga mahihirap na bata ang sumasagot sa mga guro, ang tawag sakanila ay "walang hiya".
    • Ang mayamang tumatanda, "are graduating gracefully into senior citizenhood"; Ang mga mahihirap ay "gumugurang".
    • Ang anak ng mayaman ay "slow learner"; Ang anak ng mahirap ay "bobo" o "gunggong".
    • Kung mayaman ka at marami kang kumain, you flatter your host who says, "masarap kang kumain and I like you, you do justice to my cooking"; Kung ghastly peasant ka eating the same amount in the same house, your host will say to himself na ikaw ay "patay-gutom" o "hampaslupa" o "masiba".
    • Kung boss ka at binabasa mo ito sa PC mo, "okay lang"; Pero kung ikaw ay hamak na empleyado lamang, ikaw ay "nagbubulakbol" kaya forward mo na agad ito dahil nasa likod mo ang boss mo!

  4. #4
    mydnytman
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    Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine

    say cybercool 3x hahahahahahaa

  5. #5
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    Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine

    Fair warning
    Girlfriend - Binabalaan kita, malapit nang dumating ang Daddy ko!
    Boyfriend - Ha, e wala naman akong ginawang masama ah?
    Girlfriend - Oo nga, kaya kung may binabalak ka gawin mo na.


    The wife
    Romy - Oy, pwede raw magsama ng asawa sa company picnic natin.
    Maxie - Paano yan wala ka pa namang asawa?
    Romy - Walang problema, isasama ko asawa ng kumpare ko.


    For better or for worse
    Mister - Hon, may malaki akong problema...
    Misis - Ngayong kasal na tayo, ang problema mo ay problema na natin.
    Mister - Ganun?
    Misis - Oo, dahil iisa na tayo ngayon. Ano bang problema natin?
    Mister - Kase nabuntis natin si Inday at tayo ang ama!


    In God we trust
    Babae - Baka magbunga ang pagkakasala natin, Padre. Natatakot ako...
    Padre - Ipaubaya natin ang lahat sa nasa itaas. Di nya tayo pababayaan.
    Sakristan - Hoy, huwag nyo akong idamay dyan at naglilinis lang ako ng
    kampana dito sa itaas!
    I came without knowing.... :w00t:

    ---------------------------

  6. #6
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    Re: Not-so-corny jokes

    Pres. Barack Obama finally calls up Malacañang...

    OBAMA: Hello, could I please speak to that small but great Filipina who is the pride of all Filipinos?

    GMA: (kinilig) Yes, Mr. President?!? How are you?

    OBAMA: Congratulations Charice! That was a great performance you gave at my inauguration!
    Get 25% OFF on any shared web hosting package price at HostGator using this coupon code --
    YAFRA25OFF

    Please follow the quoting etiquette for the sake of others. | Like what you see here? Show some luv and buy me a cup of coffee!
    Vote for the Most Popular Therapist of 2011! | Hey, psst! Did you know the FAQ was recently updated?

  7. #7
    Loony Master
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    Talking Magsyota naglalakad sa park

    GF: hon, naiihi ako
    BF: ok.. dyan ka na lang sa damuhan...(habang umiihi kinapa kapa ni bf ang legs ni gf ng may nahawakan siyang mahaba sa gitna ng legs)
    BF: Pucha!!! nagpalit ka ba ng kasarian??
    GF: Ulol!! nagpalit lang ako ng desisyon... dudumi na lang ako!!!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Kung gusto may paraan, Kung ayaw naman maraming dahilan. Wag puro palusot.
    Often than Not, we will know the importance of the person when that person is gone. :thumbup1:

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  8. #8
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    Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine

    eto po share ko lng although pwede faMILIAR n kayo dito...

    first one:
    Tatay: anak bakla ka ba?
    Anakpo..
    sabay lubog ng mukha ng anak s harina.

    Tatay:ANO? ngay0n la2ki ka na ba?
    anak:geisha n po..

    nagalit ang tatay sabay nilubogmukha ng anak s baldeng puno ng tubig..

    Tatay:ngaun anu ka na?! SAGOT!
    anak:dyesebel n po..

    nagalit lalo ang tatay..kya pinaso nya ito ng plantsa hnggang ito'y mangitim..

    Tatay:PUNYETA ka! ano k n ngayon!!
    anak:aq n po c beyonce!!


    second one:
    Misis: Delayed ako nang one month pero huwag mo munang
    ipagsabi.Nahihiya ako...
    Mister: Okey.
    (Kinabukasan, dumating Collector ng Meralco.) ..
    COLLECTOR: Misis, delayed po kayo ng one month.
    MISIS: Ha? Bakit mo alam?
    COLLECTOR: Nasa record po.
    MISTER: Bakit Naka-record diyan na delayed ang misis ko?
    COLLECTOR: Kung gusto ninyong mawala sarecord, magbayad kayo!
    MISTER: Eh kung ayokong magbayad?
    COLLECTOR: Puputulan kayo!
    MISTER: Eh anong gagamitin ni misis?
    COLLECTOR: Pwede naman siyang gumamit ng kandila.

  9. #9
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    Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine

    eto nman copycat lng from a maester.........

    first one:
    TONYO: “Miss, isa ngang siopao, yung babae ha! ”
    WAITRESS: “Babaeng siopao?? ”
    TONYO: “Oo,yung papel na sapin, kumbaga napkin!! ”
    WAITRESS: “Ah, ganun ba! E’ lalaking siopao po lang ang nandito. ”
    TONYO: “Lalake?”
    WAITRESS: “Opo, kasi may itlog sa loob eh!”

    second one:
    Nagpa-check up ang isang buntis…
    Dok: “Misis, ayon sa ultrasound, walang sanggol sa sinapupunan mo. Puro hangin lang!”
    Buntis: “Hoy, dok! Excuse me! Anong akala mo sa mister ko, compressor?! ”

    THIRD ONE:
    TOTO: Pangarap ko, kumita ng P250,000 monthly gaya ni daddy!
    JOVY: Wow! Ganyan kalaki ang kinikita ng daddy mo?
    TOTO: Hindi! 'Yan din ang pangarap niya!

    fourth one:
    Advantage at disadvantage ng may-asawa...
    ADVANTAGE: 'Pag kailangan mo, nandiyan agad.
    DISADVANTAGE: 'Pag ayaw mo na, andiyan parin!

    fifth one:
    WHO'S GUILTY?
    Wife dreaming in the middle of the night
    suddenly shouts, "Quick, my husband is back!"
    Man gets up, jumps out the window and realizes, "Damn! I am the
    husband!"

  10. #10
    Loony Master
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    Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine

    and para naman sa wholesome joke...........

    eto po...

    Ang Tanong

    Sa pagmamahal, hindi naman tanong ‘yung “Mahal mo ba talaga ako?” o kaya “Nag-iisa lang ba ako sa puso mo?“
    Ang tanong talaga ay “Ilang round ba ang kaya mo? Masasarapan ba ako sa ‘yo?”

  11. #11
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    Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine

    Nakakasalat
    Sakristan: Father, may libangan din ba ang mga Pari?
    Pari: Oo, naman, pag dating ng hapon, kaming mga pari dito sa bayan ay naglalaro ng Mahjong.
    Sakristan: Bakit po naman Mahjong pa ang napili niyong laro?
    Pari: Kasi, dito lang kami nakakasalat ng flower, Iho!
    I came without knowing.... :w00t:

    ---------------------------

  12. #12
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    Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine

    sex in the office

    I came without knowing.... :w00t:

    ---------------------------

  13. #13
    Loony Getting Addicted
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    Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine

    Gina and 3 menyaks went hiking in the mountains but got lost. It was already dark and they've no choice but to sleep thru the night. The only problem is, Gina sleeps like a log and worries that the 3 men might rape her. And so, she decided to place a sharp blade between her thighs.
    Next morning, she noticed that there's blood on the blade while inspecting it. She asked the 3 men to drop their pants and show her their penis, to find out who attempted to rape her.
    Men1: (head missing)
    Gina: Why you sonofabitch!!! I trusted you, you ****!!! (then she slaps him in the face)
    Men2: (banana split)
    Gina: (without saying a word, slaps him in the face too)
    Men3: (penis intact)
    Gina was impressed that she thought of rewarding this honest guy. She decided to have a one night tryst with him.
    Gina: Aren't you going to say anything on my offer?
    With tears rolling down his cheeks, he (men3) tried to talk, but...)
    Men3: Aughhh..arfk..aahhhh....aah, ahhh, ahhhh.
    (TONGUE MISSING!)

  14. #14
    Loony Getting Addicted
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    Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine

    Pat: Nay, gud news po!
    Nanay: oh anu yun?
    Pat: diba sabi mo sa bawat pasadong subject ko bibigyan nyo ako ng 1k pesos?
    Nanay: oo naman, bakit?
    Pat: uuuy... makakatipid ka nanaman.

  15. #15
    mismo
    Guest

    Re: Laughter is the Best Medicine

    may lasing at duling nagbangaan
    Duling : oy mamang lasing bakit d mo tinitignan ang iyong nilalakaran?
    lasing : oy mamang duling, bakit d mo nilalakad ang iyong tinitignan?

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